Rest

The Grace Letter

1994

 

Becky's Home Page

 

"The Real Life Test" -
A True Autobiography

 

A List of Therapists Who Treat
Transgendered Persons

 

State - By - State Instructions
For Changing Name And Sex
On Birth Certificate

 

Topics Related to
Transsexualism

 

Lefty: A Short Story

 

Parallel Lines: A Tribute 

 

 Christmas Messages

1998: Christmas Remembered
1999: What's In A Date?
2000: Peace On Earth
2001: Dark Days
2002: The Little Things
2003: Shop Till You Drop
2004: Survivor
2005: What Are You Waiting For?
2006: Peace In Our Heart
2007: The Greatest Of These

 

Real Life:
Five Years Later
 

 

The Grace Letters
1992-2007

1992
Answered Prayers
One Day At A Time

1993
Self Discovery
Strength Through Weakness

1994
Sacrifice
Rest

1995
Play It As It Lays
The Way We Weren't

1996
Disclosure
Share It Or Bear It

1997
Choices
I'm Not One Of Them

1998
What Have We To Fear?
God Don't Make No Junk

1999
Work It Out!
What's In A Date?

2000
Cheeks
Life In The Leper Colony

2001
Suicide
I Love You IF...

2002
Homeland Security
Images

2003
One Thing I Know
Letting Go

2004
The Least Of These
Children

2005
Will...or Grace?
The Word

2006
What Plank?
Risk

2007
Believing The Lie
The Greatest Of These

 

Facial Plastic Surgeons

 

SRS Surgeons

 

"Feminization of the Transsexual"
Douglas K. Ousterhout,
M.D., D. D. S.

 

 

God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain; for the former things are passed away.

Revelation 21:4

The view from the balcony of my apartment is so tranquil. I sit in my mother's old dining room chair and drink my morning coffee as I look at the ducks on the small body of water, bounded by eucalyptus and palm trees.

"Wack, wack"; waddle, waddle. Duck society is so simple. When I walk down to the path, they swim up to the bank waiting for my bread crumbs. Life is easy for these ducks. But I don't envy them. They don't know the joy of resting, because they have never done anything else.

After months of letters, résumés, and interviews, I finally found the right situation for a fresh start in my profession. It required me to move to a Western state, but would allow me to do the work I have been trained to do. I am absolutely convinced it was the answer to my prayers.

The tedious paperwork which always precedes such a move would take until early November. This would allow for some necessary business in the meantime.

I left Georgia at the end of September, driving west. Three days later I arrived in my new home. I had only a few days to move in, and unpack my boxes, before catching a flight to Wisconsin.

Evaluations from therapists and physicians had already been sent; all was in order. After an office examination, I was admitted to the hospital and underwent sex reassignment surgery.

The surgery and recovery were without complications. Eventually I was discharged and flew back to my new home. Thanks to the prayers of so many persons, and the diligent care of a good friend, I have regained my strength.

I will begin my new job soon. Until then, I have enjoyed the opportunity to recuperate slowly.

For a few weeks I, too, have been able to rest. It is the first time in over two years. Since I started plans for my transition, a great deal of time has been spent in "sorrow, and crying, and pain." The majority of transsexual persons who make this change in midlife would say the same.

There is the pain of realizing that this conflict will never leave; it must be accepted if there is ever a hope for peace.

There is the crying which comes from sharing the pain with loved ones, knowing they have not had years to cope with it and reach an understanding; watching them withdraw with their own pain.

There is the sorrow of severing friendships with those who misunderstand; often losing one's life's work and starting over; sometimes even moving far from home.

I experienced all these things. How could I possibly continue my transition, in the face of such adversity?

I could never have begun, much less completed, a transition, without assurance that my Lord understood and allowed this to happen in my life. This assurance did not come easily.

In previous issues of this letter, I have written of the anguish of doubt, of wondering why this was happening to me. I prayed for years for my gender conflict to be taken away. Instead, it intensified more and more.

I finally came to realize the truth: my gender conflict was similar to any other birth defect. Like a cleft palate, or a deformed heart, I was born with it.

It was not "God's will" for me to have this incurable condition. Instead, God gives me the strength to cope with it, and in His time He gives a solution.

I didn't understand the solution. For years I thought my solution would be to be freed from my transsexualism. You may recall the column in which I discussed First Corinthians 10:13:

God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out, so that you can stand up under it.

"A way out." Even during my transition, I could not see it. There was no way out. Unless I could change my body to fit my spirit, I would never know peace.

As my transition progressed, I had more and more assurance of God's guidance and protection. I approached the surgery with calm confidence, believing God would guide my physician.

On the night before the operation, I spent a great deal of time in prayer. As usual, I didn't plan my words, but just let them flow from the heart. That is why, without even realizing what I was saying, I found myself praying:

"Lord, thank you for giving me a way out of this conflict that has plagued my life for so long." And then I realized what I had said, and I cried for joy.

He had answered the prayer I had prayed all those years! He gives the surgeon skill and knowledge to repair other birth defects, and mine is no different. For me, a healing had already been taking place, and the surgery was just another step in the healing.

As time passes, He is even healing my relationships. Some friends and family have realized the truth of my conflict and its resolution, and have resumed contact with me.

I have been searching for a church in my new home, and I believe I have found the right one. Last Sunday two events during the service made me come to this conclusion.

One was the sermon itself, which was taken from James 4: 14-15.

Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that."

Even this dilemma of transsexualism had its solution, and I reached it by seeking God's will. Don't take my experience and automatically assume it will be yours. Perhaps you can resolve your dilemma in another way. If so, God will reveal your own "way out".

However, if you find your direction involves a complete and lasting change, then trust Him to guide your every step. You will always be glad you did.

I said there were two events which drew me to my new church home. The second was one of the worship choruses. It was not in the hymnbook, and so the words were displayed on a large video screen to aid the congregation.

As we came to the refrain, I knew He had led me here today.

God will make a way
Where there seems to be no way.
He has ways I cannot see,
He will make a way for me...

Yes. Thank you, Lord.


becky@drbecky.com